Elizabeth “Misandry” Cooper
ABOUT MY SHIRT IN THE DOUBLECLICKS’ “TABLETOP GAMES” VIDEO
This is a story of how the Doubleclicks saved the world.
Undoubtedly, if you are a connoisseur of the hip and the now, you have seen the Doubleclicks’ finest video, “TableTop Games.” It features Aubrey’s killer cello hook, the sisters’ most sublime harmonies to date, and an axon-imploding bridge rap by Adam WarRock. It also features a cast of the cube root of thousands, including singer Molly Lewis and game designers Paul Peterson, Keith Baker, and James Ernest.
It also features, in a number of distressing dance scenes, my “B: FRODO” shirt.
This is not a joke most folks will get, so please allow me to introduce itself.
This shirt is depicts me in the most infuriated state I have ever been. It recalls the events of November 19, 1999, at which time I was at home watching the new megahit game show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? This was shortly before the show inevitably descended into self-parody—that is, seconds before. The contestant du jour was a Tulsan statistician named Toby Moore, a former champion who was returning in an all-star trivi-off. He had just blown through his $250,000 question, and now was poised to take a run at half a mil. And this was his question, which you can watch on the YouTubes.
Which of the following characters is not considered a “Pokémon”?
A: Jigglypuff B: Frodo C: Squirtle D: Pikachu
To which Mr. Moore replied, “I gotta use my 50/50 now, Regis.”
Dude, even if you’re one of the five people in 1999 somehow unaware of the Pokémon invasion, YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHO FRODO IS.
And this is where I thank heaven I still had a cathode ray tube in my television, because my shoe bounced squarely off the screen without incident. I have never thrown a shoe before or since. Mr. Moore inspired that sort of rage within me.
Reege called for the lifeline to be cast, and now Mr. Moore faced but two choices:
A: Jigglypuff B: Frodo
I must now note, in Mr. Moore’s defense, that Jigglypuff is hardly one of the Big Four. He did not see the name of Pikachu, Squirtle, Charmander, or Bulbasaur before him. You could forgive him if Jigglypuff was sitting next to, say, Battlecat. But it wasn’t.
I screamed at the TV “FRODO, I CHOOSE YOU!”
This to no avail. Mr. Moore slunk off into the darkness, unwilling to gamble on what for him was a $250,000 coin flip. And Geek Nation wept as one.
It’s funny how time will change things. For fourteen years, despite Mr. Moore’s undoubted good nature and contribution to society, I kept this rage seething inside me. And then my friends Phil and Calye, owners of the JBM Press T-shirt company, gave that rage an outlet. Graciously allowing me to preview their site one day, Phil steered me toward the jokes he thought I would get. The Walking Dead? Never seen it. Larry Niven? Never read him. But then I saw this one.
Turns out Calye had basically thrown a shoe at Toby Moore too. But unlike me, she had the courage to do something about it. She made a T-shirt. And I had to be the first to own one.
Some months later, the Clicks’ Angela called and asked me to be in their video, because I am Some Sort of Game Designer™. I dutifully signed on for their hijinks, and I wore the shirt. Now, when you struggle to scrub the image of me dancing from your forebrain, you will see the shirt.
You will know the answer is B: FRODO.
You can never forget.
And that is how the Doubleclicks saved the world.
P.S. You have only 24 hours to back their Kickstarter. They are nice people.
Spider-Man (Andrew Garfield) and Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) are both confirmed Howard the Duck fans.
(Hamill image via http://collectemall.tumblr.com/post/58012074326/mark-hamill-rockin-a-howard-the-duck-t-shirt)
And somewhere I still have that 35+ year old shirt that Mark is wearing (!)
I put together a “cursed museum object” for my friend’s birthday, using stuff I had around my house… cicada shells, twigs and paper. Yes, I keep weird stuff around my house.